Comparison of 2 Memos with Different Outlook Style

WritingSkills.my.id - There are many factors to be considered in choosing certain language style in writing business letters. Those factors are tone, outlook, "you approach", and organization. The correct use of style in sending the message by means of writing creates very positive effect to the readers. The same result happens when other factors are applied correctly.

The following are two memos which use different language style. Take a look at the second memo which uses a better language than the first memo. It is such a better business language.

Comparisons 2 Different Outlook Style Memos as Examples

The First Memo:

To: Department Supervisors
From: Assistant Director

Inform your subordinates:

Because so many have taken advantage of past leniency, lateness will no longer be overlooked. Paychecks will be docked as of Monday, January 2, 2022.
As a result of abuses of employee privileges, which have resulted in exorbitant long distant telephone bills, any employee caught making a personal call will be subject to disciplinary action.

As supervisors, you will be required to enforce these new regulations.

The Second Memo:

To: Department Supervisors
From: Budi Gunawan, Assistant Director

Unfortunately, a few people have taken advantage of lenient company policies regarding lateness and personal phone calls. As a result, we must all now conform to tougher regulations.

Please inform the members of your department that:

Beginning Monday, January 2, 2022, the paychecks of employees who are late will be docked.
Personal phone calls are no longer permitted.

It is a shame that the abuses of a few must cost the rest of use. But we are asking all department supervisors to help us enforce these new rules.

Thank you.

BG.

The first memo has a nuance of the dominance of superiors to subordinates. The language which is used implies a distance between the superiors and the subordinates. The use of imperative words such as "Inform your subordinates, you will be required to enforce..." shows such a nuance. The points which are delivered seem to be too long, so that the memo is less effective and less efficient. More than that, the first memo also gives impression that as if the mistakes are done by all of the employees.

On the contrary, the second memo gives a nuance of a hospitality and a good relationship between the superiors and the subordinates without losing firmness. In this second memo, the name of the sender is written and this makes the memo have the impression of personal closeness.

The use of the word "please" also makes this memo not emphasize the impression of structural dominance. Instead of using long sentences at every points, the second memo uses an opening paragraph or introduction as the notification of the condition which is happening in the company regarding the behavior of some unprofessional employees.

As a result, the sentences which are used in both points become concise, compact, and effective. The use of the words "a few people", "the abuses of a few" shows that the sender of the memo or the Assistant Director wants to realize that not all of the employees have done the wrong things that harm the company.

Also read the theory of Outlook Style in writing: Style in Writing Business Letter: Outlook (Concise & Phrases)